After many struggles, tears, sadness and determination;

a willingness to work hard to make my life better;


I have reached a milestone that I am DAMN proud of!

i am happy

I love the inside AND the outside of me!

Yes!  It’s true!

We all carry baggage from the past that can make us mentally, emotionally, and, ultimately, physically disabled.   However, I have learned that making a change in what you say to yourself about the way you look AND by opening up your heart to others you can change the way you feel about LIFE.

The first step that I took to lead myself in the right direction was simple.  I started smiling in the car while I was driving.  I’m sure I looked like an idiot to other drivers that noticed I was alone, but smiling has a positive impact on the way you start your day.  And then, while I was smiling, I began thinking positive thoughts.  A huge one for me was “I deserve to live a happy life”.  Some other good ones I have used are “I am a thin person”; “I will find blessings everywhere”; and  “Keep your head up and your heart open”.  Eventually, over time, you start believing what you are saying to yourself and it changes the way you treat yourself and others.  My mantras led me to believe that I am healthy, thin, and happy.  And guess what?  It happened!   The absolute best part about changing the way you feel is that it opens up your heart and that love radiates to others.  You can impact other people by loving and accepting yourself!

Today I bought my first size 6 pants and a smaller bra (not saying what size!!).

I feel loving and giving and HAPPY and I think that other people sense that in me.

If I can do it, you can too….. BECAUSE:

you are worth it


The Battle of My BULGE

As far back as I can remember I’d always felt bigger than everyone else.  When I saw pictures of myself standing next to other people I thought I looked enormous.  I would tell people that I had a “big frame” (or people would tell ME that) and I hoped that was really the case.  People would say “you have such a pretty face” or “you’re in proportion”.  Okay, what does that really mean?  You’re fat but there’s a part of you that still looks good? …or …Your fat is evenly distributed over your body?  I didn’t feel small enough and because of that, I didn’t feel good enough.  I tried every diet in the book but I always made it back to my original high weight.   There were many times I told myself it must be the RIGHT weight because no matter what I did I always came back to the same number.  During the times that my weight was healthy I still saw a fat person in the mirror.  Let’s just face it; I had a negative self image and I didn’t believe I could ever look like a normal-sized person, whatever that looked like.  The things that I said to myself were horrible and mean; things I would NEVER say to anyone else.  Why did I think it was okay to say them to myself?

Several years ago I lost about 20 pounds from illness and decided that it was the right time to capitalize on my weight loss.  For some odd reason this time I was able to not only maintain the loss but add another 10 pounds to it – a total loss of 30 pounds which I have kept off for five years.  I have learned that the key to my own weight loss has been about the change in the things that I say to myself.  Now I treat myself like a good friend; someone I value.  Instead of hearing my inner voice say ” I’ll NEVER be thin; I look huge and disgusting!”, I tell myself that I AM a thin person with the habits and attitude of a thin and healthy person.  The word “diet” doesn’t exist in my vocabulary because I don’t deny myself any foods that I really want.  This change in attitude takes the power away from the food and gives it back to me!  I rule the food!  While I still really enjoy eating, it is not the love of my life. And when I over-indulge I don’t berate myself. I’m normal and everyone has cravings.

I recently had lunch with an old friend I hadn’t seen in several years.  She told me that I looked half the size of my former self.  A few days later I was trying on a dress at a local store  and the owner said “you’re thin; you can wear that.”  It was shocking to hear both of those comments after a lifetime of feeling too big.

I have so many things to work on to make a better, happier, healthier me but I am happy to be on my way.